Every woman has that one pair of pants that gives them a little bulge in the crotch area. You knowww, where the zipper lumps when you sit and makes you look like you have a baby phallus? Yeah, that’s what we’re talking about. This happens more with regular rise jeans, but it’s still a not so attractive look that many of us get self conscious about. Like when you’re on a first date and the guy or girl across from you can’t stop staring at your crotch and you want to shout, “It isn’t my fault! It’s the pants, I swear!”
We all know what FUPA is but it’s usually an illusion from the clothes we’re wearing, especially if they are of the high waisted assortment, which I call FALSE FUPA.
I for one am a huge lover of vintage Levis (not even sure I own any other type of pants). But as these Levis were once intended for men they happen to have a little more give in the crotch region. So 99% of the time when I sit down I get an air bubble from the extra material. Not the most attractive look on a woman.
High waisted jeans are also a fashion favorite because they give the illusion of longer legs, which is needed when you’re 5’3 like myself. But even with such a positive perk, there is a downside. And that downside has escalated from the low-rise baby phallus, to something more serious… the false fupa strikes again.
So, the real question is, is your FALSE FUPA supa? Here’s how we tell:
How many pairs of pants do you own that give you this totally false look? At least 5?
Are they your favorite pair of pants? Yes?
Do you ever think twice about if other people notice it? No?
Do you want to show it off? Absolutely?
Do you send people pics of it? Of course I do?
Are you obsessed with false FUPA? Maybe a little?
If you are in agreement with all of these statements welcome to the False Fupa club. IF YOU DIDN’T, you can’t sit with us.