Confession: I have been known to wear some pretty petrifying outfits that would probably make Joan Rivers roll over in her grave and declare me worst dressed of 2016.
They say “what you eat in private shows in public” well, the same goes for what you wear. What you wear in private should not always be worn in public. No one wants to admit it, but we all commit fashion crimes every once in awhile (or everyday – when you’re home alone). Personally I rip my pants off like I’m Magic Mike the minute I get home for the day, therefore if forced to leave the house suddenly, it is likely that I will throw on anything in sight. It’s as if there is some subliminal rule that if you need to run an errand or leave the house quickly you must throw on the most repulsive outfits that are not socially acceptable what-so-ever.
But don’t be embarrassed MUGSHOT totally supports you!!
These are my favorite fashion offenses that I make from time to time and you probably do too:
Garb, Try Garbage:
- Wearing the same outfit as the day before because it was cute and no one got to see it the day before. Absolutely cannot let a good outfit go to waste and apparently can’t even wait until next week. Is this even a crime?? I say no.
- Rocking the same attire of last night’s engagements due to a walk of shame – whether it be a romantic one or just from sleeping at your best friend’s house. MUGSHOT approves of this – as long as your shoes are still on and your makeup still intact or better yet – completely off.
- Waking up late for school so you wear your pajama shirt to school hoping no one will notice. My 6 year old cousin has already beat this one by disregarding the social norm of pajamas and sleeping in his outfit for the next day so he has more time to play before school. So genius – no wonder we’re related.
- Wearing jeans that have a hole in the crotch because “you didn’t think anyone would notice”. Attempt this misdemeanor at your own risk – as MUGSHOT will not be responsible for any indecent exposure! We all know how hard it is to sacrifice your favorite jeans just because you loved them too much!! Who would have thought YOU would be punished for paying too much attention to your favorite pantalones. Maybe if you wear blue underwear no one will notice? Yes/no – up to you.
- Not wearing a bra or going commando, either because you don’t give a shit or it’s just laundry day and you’re a very busy person!! If you’re committing this crime – MORE POWER TO YA SISTER! #freethenipple
- Socks w/ sandals… and not in the cute way – more like nike slippers or birkenstocks paired with crew socks. Definitely the given-up grandpa look. Sometimes when you have to: run outside to get something from the car, take the trash out, or walk the dog you find the most convenient shoes to throw on. Regardless if they belong with socks or not.
- Wearing mismatched socks. Ok this one is inevitable and everyone does this!! Those fuckers always lose a twin in the washing machine. Don’t beat yourself up about this one, as long as they don’t show, who cares! (tip: for this not to happen buy all the same socks, that way you’ll never have to wear mixed matched socks).
- UGGS. I think the word itself explains it all. It pains me to think it was once attractive to pair them with True Religion jeans. Now they are an absolute societal no-go (uggs more like fuggs). Regardless, we all own a pair (myself included) and nothing is warmer than wearing those atrocious sheepskin excuses for boots – especially when you have to do something so ridiculous as walk your diva of a dachshund at 6 am. I mean who even wakes up that early? Perhaps you can get away with this one depending on the time of day that you wear them.
The most important thing to remember is that even if what you’re wearing isn’t the most fashionable, OWN IT. You wore it, why be ashamed? Confidence is key to any style, especially when trying out something new or something… not so cute. Wearing a not so fab outfit happens more than we’d like to admit, but everyone does it – so let’s not judge please!